Parents of teens UNITE! We Need Our Own Mastermind Group!

11:34 AM Unknown 0 Comments

I am a parent of two children, a son who is soon to be 15 and a daughter who is 10 years old.  It is a busy time.  Gone are the days when I can fix things with a simple hug and a kiss on the 'owie'.  The challenges these two young people face are all consuming.  These are the problems of becoming 'adults'.


They face social challenges of fitting in or not fitting in, they are pulled and distracted by various forms of media, they deal with the daily barrage of negative influence and sincerely trying to make the best choices they can.  And in the wake of all this serious business you have fretting parents just wanting things to be okay for their child and feeling a lack of control around the whole big mess.

This seems to be a time of transition for the family unit on the whole.  Children pushing up against the boundaries we have in place to be able to feel independent.  This constant tension is so hard for parents.  We can look back at our own break-away from the nest and think, 'yeah, I remember that', but it doesn't make it any easier being on the receiving end.  As our teens push against the boundaries they also peel away from us for a time.  It's such an uncomfortable change.

This change causes conflict at times as well.  I know in my house it has been the source of hard feelings and regret at times.  There just isn't a manual for this stuff, especially in the heat of the moment.  We get it wrong a lot and it seems like we learn along the way.  We fail.  We evaluate.  We try again.  This cycle is truly the same one we use in all areas of our life.

So what can we do?  It seems like once your children reach a certain age the lights go out in the community.  I try signing my son up for programs only to have them cancelled due to lack of interest.  Or even just trying to find him something new is a challenge...  it seems like once your child reaches pre-teen and on, you are just going this stuff alone.

How do we as parents get support?  How do we talk to our children in a constructive way and still keep healthy boundaries in place?  Who do parents of teens turn to, when the lights go out in the community?

I think we need to turn to each other.  Reach out to one another and say, 'Hey!...  this really sucks for me and I'm stuck, any ideas?'.  When we have this shared understanding we start asking each other questions...  What do you do when...  How did you handle ABC? 

Perhaps what's needed is a Parental Mastermind Group?  A time where we all get together in a non-judgemental space where we can be proactive and supportive of one another during this challenging time.  We can brainstorm and experiment...  As a coach I can provide questions to invoke the process of finding a way through the mud.  What say you?  Is this needed?

Discomfort is more than a feeling, it's a sign of change...

8:08 AM Unknown 0 Comments

With change underway in a big way over here I have come up against one many or two mental road blocks along the way.  Many times I was really thankful for the blockers because they allowed me to stay stuck.

When we stay stuck we don't have to progress forward.  We get to hang on to our old beliefs and stay 'comfortable'.  Change can be a really irritating, uncomfortable, world altering time.

Pema Chodron, is an American, Tibetan Buddhist and an ordained nun. For those of you who are not familiar with her she is one of the most down to earth, has 'been there and done that' women on the planet.  Yes she is a Buddhist nun but she has also been married twice, has children and grandchildren and so in her own way understands what the populous goes through on a daily basis.

She recorded this 4 minute video (found below) about change and by how we speak, act and think we create our own possibilities (good, bad or ugly).  How to make friends with the discomfort of change, so change can happen.  Video quality isn't great due to a power outage they had at the time but the message is sound.


Many times, coaching brings about that discomfort she talks about here.  It is in that space though that we take the boundaries we have surrounded ourselves in and help them to expand.

Think of a baby learning to walk.  They get up and hang on, with wobbly legs, and take a step, and then two, three and so it goes.  Along the way they fall and it hurts, in their uncomfortable state though, they receive love and care and encouragement to continue.  Before you know it that toddler is off and running, and everyone else just needs to KEEP UP.

It seems though, the longer we exist on this planet, the more stuck we can become.  We get really uncomfortable with that forward movement and our ability lean INTO it.  What I would ask you is:   

How would your life be different if you were okay with being uncomfortable?

Coaching helps you to explore the barriers to change you have in place.  It empowers you, comforts you and motivates you to seek out the change you have been avoiding for so long.  So that you too will be that running toddler everyone is trying to keep up with!

-What would your life look like if you could get to work on time?
-What would it look like if you could makes steps towards getting a business going?
-What would it look like if you could honour yourself and your need for growth, as a stay at home parent?
-What would it look like as a person with ADHD if you could work WITH your unique brain wiring, rather than fight it?

All this to explore and more.  Like the quote below suggests our brain really wants to keep us safe from things which make us fearful/uncomfortable.  Pause and realize that not all discomfort is something to be avoided.  When we dig deep and find the courage to say, "I want more...", we arrive closer to our own truths.