Coaching Conversations ~ What can the Client expect?


Coaching isn't new per se, but it doesn't have roots like a therapy model.  So when you hear the word, coaching, we infuse it with our own flavour of what that could mean.

Coaching is centred around conversation.  I just heard all the introverts groan inwardly...  I am one, so the thoughts of that initially may have me (and you) running for the hills!  Fear not my friends.  This conversation is a structured, purposeful and meaningful dialog.  This is not the conversation you typically have with others.



This conversation has a start, middle and end.  The entire time is spent working on what YOU, the client, decides to bring to the table that day.  YOU set the agenda and can change that at any point, it's all about YOU baby!  We can set long term goals and chart a path to getting there or work on whatever ever arises during that week or a combination of both.  I keep the compass pointed in the place you need most.

This will be your time to problem solve, make plans, look at barriers to those plans, figure out why things may not be working for you right now, learn about yourself, and chart a new path or an old one more confidently.

Many wonder what can you be coached around?  This is a hard one to answer as anything goes.  If you have a hard time keeping your house organized or clutter free, we can work on that.  If you are having some barriers to eating well and establishing a plan, (Psst I am also a Certified Dr. Sears Health Coach), we can work on that.  Perhaps you just don't know what is happening with you right now, but you know you need change because things just don't FEEL right.

For my ADHD friends out there...  I can help you to understand about YOUR flavour of ADHD and how it manifests in your life.  So many times we try and fit a square peg into a round hole...  Well through coaching you can understand better about who YOU are and how that brilliance can shine through without SHAME or JUDGMENT.

What this is not is therapy.  We don't go back to the why of things...  that is more of a mental health model and if we find that's needed in our coaching sessions I'll support you through connecting with the right person to address that as well.  Many times clients will take a coaching break to work with a mental health professional and then come back and get their plans underway.  Again being human is individual and complex, there is no shame in seeking that which you need most.

I hold you accountable in the way you decide and I do call you on your stuff!  Many times the things we don't do are the things that require going back to the drawing board a number of times.  That is okay and part of the growth you'll experience through coaching.

This is work and will be uncomfortable at times, I am here to support you with that.  You are responsible for the outcome.  Many times this makes people shy away from that idea as it's a bold statement.  That's what it means to be 'coach-able', being ready to do the work required to meet your own change and goals as you see them.

My role is to create a safe and compassionate place.  To help you navigate these new waters with a hand to hold and to help shine a light on the things we at times neglect to focus on.  I am here for you and you alone.

If you want to experience what this feels or sounds like just contact me at amy.may@breakingbarrierscoaching.com for more information.

More on coaching in the days and weeks to come! 
ADHD

The Down Low on Coaching - What is it?


When you hear or think of the word 'coach' or 'coaching', what comes to mind?  Do you think of all the coaches that you've had in your life who taught you how to dance, play hockey, play chess...  Perhaps you think of a teacher you've had during your life that made a big impact.  We all define coaching differently.  The word triggers many different thoughts and emotions based on our experiences around it.

My husband for example, is one of the best sport coaches of young people that I've ever been witness to.  I say this as a point of fact and not flattery.  He helps them develop to the best of their ability, supports their progress and setbacks, gives information that is personalized for the individual and uses humour and positivity to encourage and empower.  When those children think on what a coach is to them it's my hope they think of him and his positive impact on their life.

Somewhere along the line we've all been coached in some capacity.  So what then does Life Coaching look like and how does it differ from that of other types of coaching, like those mentioned above?

At the end of my training I will be Certified Life Coach who specializes in coaching clients with ADHD.  I am completing my training with the ADD Academy which is an International Coaching Federation (ICF) accredited program.  In completing this course I will have tackled 239 hours of study and coaching practice.  It is indeed a comprehensive program that takes the care of others very seriously, as do I.  Here is an definition of what coaching means as laid out by the ICF:

ICF defines coaching as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential, which is particularly important in today’s uncertain and complex environment. Coaches honor the client as the expert in his or her life and work and believe every client is creative, resourceful and whole. http://coachfederation.org/need/landing.cfm?ItemNumber=978 
As a coach who also specializes in ADHD I help clients understand their unique brain wiring and how to work within that.  To discover strengths and values they weren't aware of.

Coaching is a relationship.  I am your safe space, the listening ear and the witness of your unique talents and strengths.  The difference between this type of coaching and the sports coach is, while I may share some nuggets here and there, YOU are the expert on you.  My role here is to help you clear the noise and confusion.  Traditional coaching has you as the student learning a skill.  The difference here is that YOU are the expert, what we do is bring an awareness around that so you can employ skills you weren't aware of.

So many times when we go looking for help, well meaning people (myself included), have instructed.  I am not the person who provides instruction; coaching in this capacity helps YOU to arrive at the answers you have questions around.  It's only when we can be AWARE and CLEAR that we can start making plans for ourselves.  I help you attain that clarity.  My purpose as your coach is to help:

- Discover, clarify, and align with what the client wants to achieve
- Encourage client self-discovery
- Elicit client-generated solutions and strategies
- Hold the client responsible and accountable
This process helps clients dramatically improve their outlook on work and life, while improving their leadership skills and unlocking their potential.
This is not a self indulgent service.  So many times we struggle with different areas in our life: family, children, work, business...  We can't see the forest through the trees.  I help you step back to take it all in.
ADHD

The Building of Reserves


Reserve: to make arrangements so that you will be able to use or have (something, such as a room, table, or seat) at a later time - to keep (something) for a special or future use - to choose to do (something) at a later time.  "Reserve." Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Web. 10 Feb. 2016.
Reserve is an important word.  As you can see above, it's defined as something in which you make arrangements to have for later.  Something you want or require being tagged for later use, so when you need it, it's there.  The idea behind reserving something is to give you a security around the idea that I don't need to think or worry about the reserved item as I have already made plans to have it there waiting for me when it's needed.

Reserves can also be looked at from the perspective of having so much of something that there are no needs around that thing.  Lets take a simple example of toilet paper.  This is one item we use daily, and something we need to buy all the time.  Think about when you run out...  as we tend to do from time to time.  Think about how much head space and energy is required to remember to correct that, and if you forget to remedy it how much more energy you expel at the lack of it.  This is just a simple thing but we have all felt the impact of not having it.

Picture source: http://priceonomics.com/the-great-toilet-paper-scare-of-1973/

Now take this same scenario and instead of buying what you need for a few weeks, what would it feel like to have a years worth of toilet paper?  Compare the running out, to the idea of I don't have to think about this for a whole year.  What does having that reserve create for you?  I know for myself I was feeling like it was one thing off my list.  I can let it go and focus on more important things.  I have so much that my need of it becomes a non-issue; I have a years worth.  I may put it in my calendar to check closer to the years end, but I don't need to give it any consideration or energy for at least a year.  It's a freeing exercise.

Lets now consider what a reserve would look like in terms of love, friendship, opportunity, knowledge and finances.  These are pretty big areas.  Each of these have a high importance in our lives and many times we run these areas without reserves.  We feel drained by them because we don't have enough in reserve, they are a constant thought or work in progress.  What would it feel like to have a reserve of money?  What would it feel like to have enough that you didn't need to worry about it anymore?  For many this is an area of strain and strong feelings.

What small changes could you put in place today to build up a reserve in this one area?  Perhaps you could look at your finances and really know where your money is going?  Become completely aware of how much you spend on certain areas of your life.  Just get curious about why there isn't a reserve here currently.  Is it that you spend a lot on coffee, tea, going out (guilty, guilty, guilty) and if so can you put in one small rule to start going every other day and the money you would have spent on those items will now go in a jar or an account and become your reserve?  Is it that you have hit the ceiling of what you can earn and can't squeeze anymore from it?  Could you maybe look at some cost-effective online courses (i.e. Udemy, Coursera) to better your skills to give you more reserve in areas of knowledge and opportunity so that you have more choice about your employment and salary?

The idea is you create an awareness around important areas in your life and find small measurable ways to create more surplus (reserves) in those areas.  It starts with awareness, pausing to understand where you are and getting curious about how you'd like to proceed.  You'll know instinctively where you are running a deficit.  Just listen to your thoughts and feel your body when you think of the areas I listed above.  Change won't come in one big swoop; it comes in the form of small steps, moving forward.  Create reserves and, in turn, ease the drain of energy you feel in your daily lives.
awareness

Discovery of Self and the Awareness Within


Prior to 2016 ringing in, at a coffee night with a few friends, I said that my focus for the new year was going to be 'me' work. 

I try not to succumb to the story I say to myself at this point in my life, which spews off in some fashion as:

How the hell can you go through almost 40 years of your life and not be able to answer the simple question of, "What do you like to do?"
Well frankly I couldn't.  I have spent the majority of my life helping those around me.  My parents, brothers, friends and in later years my children and husband.  These are people I love dearly and I derive great satisfaction in making their life better, wherever I can.  I have done a lot of volunteer work as well; who better to help than those who are in need?  I say this not to toot my own horn, but more to say, I didn't factor in much.  That was of my own choosing.  Not that I wanted to deprive myself, more so I just felt like I was happy when others were too.

I have since had a shift in my thinking.  I am soon to finish my training as a Life Coach who specializes in ADHD and in doing so we needed to go through the process of Personal Transformation.  I've mentioned it before but it truly has been a transformative process.

I have learned some important things about myself.  These things I've learned are derived from my own life experiences, which is so powerful, because it is my own evidence.  I don't have to try and believe it, this new perspective, because to deny it is to deny my own life experience.

This change has also allowed me to see what I am tolerating in my life which drains my energy.  I have an awareness  about my lack of boundaries in some areas of my life and the rigid boundaries I have in place in others.

And so in the midst of this shift I ask myself again, "What is it I like to do, independent from my family, friends or 'shoulds'?  I decided to dedicate 2016 to my journey in exploring that question.  So many times those of us inclined to nurture and support forget about the person doing the nurturing and supporting, ourselves.

I will say that thus far this has been a HUMBLING experience.  I feel pretty vulnerable trying the new things I decided to start with.  I am a perfectionist, there is no room for that in the learning of piano for the first time.  I have high expectations of myself, there is no room for that while throwing clay on a spinning wheel.  I am hard on myself, there is no room for that on the journey of self-discovery.



While I am learning the answer to my question I also see that I need to hold a space of compassion for myself as I do for others.  I need to have patience for my own 'failures' as I learn something new, as I would for my children when they learn something new.

Most of all I feel that learning how to pause  and sit in my old stories, while not taking them on as the truth, will be my biggest work.  Being aware and creating a new story from the old.
ADHD

What have you forgotten?


In my previous post I was talking about the idea of transformation.  The evolution of self.

What does an ADHD & Nutrition Coach care about a persons internal messaging system?  What does any of this have to do with the other?  Lets explore that a minute...

I want you today, to take notice of your thoughts.  When you are trying something new or perhaps don't do something as well as you hoped, I want you to listen to the inner dialog you have with yourself around that.

What are you feeding yourself?  Are the messages negative?  Do they call you stupid or do they say things like, "There you go again, delving into something you had no business trying...".  Maybe you feel a great deal of fear in trying something new?  Perhaps the inner story is one of doubt and feeling incapable to even try.

Many times we allow these inner stories to play and re-play without any acknowledgement of them being there in the first place.  They are so comfortable.  These stories come from our past, fed to us by the environment around us.  If we have a big event in our lives it leaves its imprint on us in a very lasting way.

Part of my work with clients is to figure out what they've forgotten about themselves.  Too many times the ghosts of the past get in the way of all the good we've done on this planet.  It gets in the way of all the shiny nuggets you are entitled to remember about ourselves.

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. ~ Maya Angelou


The reason we sit and explore your amazing history is to show you what you already have in you, that which you may have forgotten.  It is your proof.  I help keep the waters clear so you can see yourself perfectly.

What would happen to one of my clients, wanting to make change in terms of diet or life functions, armed with the understanding of WHO they truly are?

In a word, EMPOWERMENT.
ADD

Transformation - To Go Beyond Your Current Form



Our whole spiritual transformation brings us to the point where we realize that in our own being, we are enough. ~ Ram Dass

I've come to realize that when a client comes to see me they are in the midst of personal transformation.  It's a pretty big step, and one that rarely gets the acknowledgement it deserves.  Anytime someone is seeking answers, challenging their existence as it is now, they are on the road of change.

Change is uncomfortable.  It itches and chafes, makes us feel things we'd really rather not and most greatly we feel the fear of "not knowing".  When we start the questioning and observing of what we currently believe it can leave us a little shaken.  THAT IS NORMAL.  To admit that we feel inferior, undeserving, unworthy, unable or without value, are things we'd rather allow cycle around in our minds, as it's familiar. 

Fear, to a great extent, is born of the stories we tell ourselves. ~ Cheryl Strayed


This, I think, is why Nutrition Coaching is not about the food, wholeheartedly.  It's not about the measurement of calories, entirely.  It's not about what diet to subscribe to or what pill to choke down.  It is my absolute belief that to make any lasting changes, it starts with the acknowledgement of the stories we believe to be true.  We aren't always conscious of them.  They are so familiar we don't hear them whisper in our ears and shape our habits and decision making.  We don't always see the sabotaging they do to our efforts and our growth.

Coaches are there to help you see, expose you to new possibilities about yourself, and most excitingly of all... help you uncover the abilities and virtues you already have.  That greatness which has been trapped under a lot of debris, waiting to be freed.  This has very little to do with Nutrition.  It is about Personal Transformation and the understanding that you are deserving of that.

Anyone can make better choices, once they uncover the factual stories of WHO they are on this planet.
changes

To the over worked adult... give yourself permission to STOP and read this.

To all the working, exhausted, trying to do 100% of all things people out there, please take this minute and read.

There will likely never be another time when you are so busy as you are right now.  You are potentially juggling a job or a business you own, children, home demands, money challenges and the stress of making it all happen. 


The reality is something has to give and I know many people unknowingly make their nutrition and exercise the sacrificial lamb. By that I mean, these are the areas in our lives we let go by the wayside because other things are deemed more important.  I'm not going to sit here and suggest that our life's work, whether that is raising our children, starting a business or advancing our career is unimportant and shouldn't have a priority. 

The question becomes though:

Can you contribute to your life in all it's forms when you are sick and exhausted?


What stories are you telling yourself that hold you back?
  1. I'm too tired
  2. There isn't enough time in the day
  3. I have way too much to do
  4. My kids come first
  5. I work too much overtime
This list is not exhaustive but it hits on some key areas of challenge, that are not made up, but are very real in all our lives.  How do we include ourselves in this list of challenge to ensure our health and wellness?

When looking at ways to change the story you may have to alter your expectations of yourself. Perhaps rather than thinking working out needs to be at a gym lifting iron, just get out for a 20 minute walk each day.  Or maybe join a Zumba class and enjoy the laughter and music for an hour a week.  You don't need to train like an Olympic athlete.  Find something - anything - you can do at home like exercise band workouts or fun movement based video games to connect and enjoy with your family.


 Give yourself the GIFT of movement to ensure you can manage the obligations of your daily life.  Movement is a stress reliever and can be as good as many antidepressants available on the market today!


Another dropped area is Nutrition.  Put your meal and snack times in your CALENDAR!  If you are like me and get so hyper-focused that you forget to eat, PLAN FOR IT!  Pack snacks daily so you have a constant supply of foods picked for you, by you.  I will tell you right now you can't operate a business or create a life of abundance without making your health and wellness a priority.

Lousy Nutrition = Lousy Performance
Attitude
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