I am a parent of two children, a son who is soon to be 15 and a daughter who is 10 years old. It is a busy time. Gone are the days when I can fix things with a simple hug and a kiss on the 'owie'. The challenges these two young people face are all consuming. These are the problems of becoming 'adults'.
They face social challenges of fitting in or not fitting in, they are pulled and distracted by various forms of media, they deal with the daily barrage of negative influence and sincerely trying to make the best choices they can. And in the wake of all this serious business you have fretting parents just wanting things to be okay for their child and feeling a lack of control around the whole big mess.
This seems to be a time of transition for the family unit on the whole. Children pushing up against the boundaries we have in place to be able to feel independent. This constant tension is so hard for parents. We can look back at our own break-away from the nest and think, 'yeah, I remember that', but it doesn't make it any easier being on the receiving end. As our teens push against the boundaries they also peel away from us for a time. It's such an uncomfortable change.
This change causes conflict at times as well. I know in my house it has been the source of hard feelings and regret at times. There just isn't a manual for this stuff, especially in the heat of the moment. We get it wrong a lot and it seems like we learn along the way. We fail. We evaluate. We try again. This cycle is truly the same one we use in all areas of our life.
So what can we do? It seems like once your children reach a certain age the lights go out in the community. I try signing my son up for programs only to have them cancelled due to lack of interest. Or even just trying to find him something new is a challenge... it seems like once your child reaches pre-teen and on, you are just going this stuff alone.
How do we as parents get support? How do we talk to our children in a constructive way and still keep healthy boundaries in place? Who do parents of teens turn to, when the lights go out in the community?
I think we need to turn to each other. Reach out to one another and say, 'Hey!... this really sucks for me and I'm stuck, any ideas?'. When we have this shared understanding we start asking each other questions... What do you do when... How did you handle ABC?
Perhaps what's needed is a Parental Mastermind Group? A time where we all get together in a non-judgemental space where we can be proactive and supportive of one another during this challenging time. We can brainstorm and experiment... As a coach I can provide questions to invoke the process of finding a way through the mud. What say you? Is this needed?
Coaching isn't new per se, but it doesn't have roots like a therapy model. So when you hear the word, coaching, we infuse it with our own flavour of what that could mean.
Coaching is centred around conversation. I just heard all the introverts groan inwardly... I am one, so the thoughts of that initially may have me (and you) running for the hills! Fear not my friends. This conversation is a structured, purposeful and meaningful dialog. This is not the conversation you typically have with others.
This conversation has a start, middle and end. The entire time is spent working on what YOU, the client, decides to bring to the table that day. YOU set the agenda and can change that at any point, it's all about YOU baby! We can set long term goals and chart a path to getting there or work on whatever ever arises during that week or a combination of both. I keep the compass pointed in the place you need most.
This will be your time to problem solve, make plans, look at barriers to those plans, figure out why things may not be working for you right now, learn about yourself, and chart a new path or an old one more confidently.
Many wonder what can you be coached around? This is a hard one to answer as anything goes. If you have a hard time keeping your house organized or clutter free, we can work on that. If you are having some barriers to eating well and establishing a plan, (Psst I am also a Certified Dr. Sears Health Coach), we can work on that. Perhaps you just don't know what is happening with you right now, but you know you need change because things just don't FEEL right.
For my ADHD friends out there... I can help you to understand about YOUR flavour of ADHD and how it manifests in your life. So many times we try and fit a square peg into a round hole... Well through coaching you can understand better about who YOU are and how that brilliance can shine through without SHAME or JUDGMENT.
What this is not is therapy. We don't go back to the why of things... that is more of a mental health model and if we find that's needed in our coaching sessions I'll support you through connecting with the right person to address that as well. Many times clients will take a coaching break to work with a mental health professional and then come back and get their plans underway. Again being human is individual and complex, there is no shame in seeking that which you need most.
I hold you accountable in the way you decide and I do call you on your stuff! Many times the things we don't do are the things that require going back to the drawing board a number of times. That is okay and part of the growth you'll experience through coaching.
This is work and will be uncomfortable at times, I am here to support you with that. You are responsible for the outcome. Many times this makes people shy away from that idea as it's a bold statement. That's what it means to be 'coach-able', being ready to do the work required to meet your own change and goals as you see them.
My role is to create a safe and compassionate place. To help you navigate these new waters with a hand to hold and to help shine a light on the things we at times neglect to focus on. I am here for you and you alone.
If you want to experience what this feels or sounds like just contact me at amy.may@breakingbarrierscoaching.com for more information.
More on coaching in the days and weeks to come!
