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The Value of Play... For Adults.


We hear a lot of messages in the media about the importance of play for children.  As an Early Childhood Educator, in a previous life, I give that a big, HELL YEAH!  Play is the work of children.  Here is a snip of information you will read in terms of why play is important for children:

Play allows children to use their creativity while developing their imagination, dexterity, and physical, cognitive, and emotional strength. Play is important to healthy brain development.4–6 It is through play that children at a very early age engage and interact in the world around them. Play allows children to create and explore a world they can master, conquering their fears while practicing adult roles, sometimes in conjunction with other children or adult caregivers.7–14 As they master their world, play helps children develop new competencies that lead to enhanced confidence and the resiliency they will need to face future challenges.7,10,15 Undirected play allows children to learn how to work in groups, to share, to negotiate, to resolve conflicts, and to learn self-advocacy skills.7,10,11,16 - http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/119/1/182

Pretty powerful stuff isn't it?

My question to you is, can you think back to when play stopped being a valued part of your life?  Even as I type this, I am trying to think back to when play was left off my dance card; it was left off and has been off for a very long time.

We get into highschool.  Then go to some post-secondary institution or jump into work directly after.  Perhaps find our significant other or travel the globe in search of ourselves and the world.  Whatever it is, we start to 'become' adults and learn in a more experiential way.  We make a mistake and derive information from that, we blunder at work and adjust our behaviour or conversely we do well and are praised and continue on that path.

Learning becomes about books, life, work and family.  We may have been lucky to hold on to or develop some hobbies along the way but those are seen as a little selfish and not something that has a permanent place for most people.  I realize - I generalize here but you get the point - we stop playing because we fail to see the benefit of play in our adult world.

What stops adults from playing?  Judgment, embarrassment, risk, it requires trust...  and perhaps it just doesn't seem valuable.

Here are some points about why play is so important for EVERYONE:
  1. Play is not anarchy.  Watch children playing at the park, it is organized and the members (for the most part) follow the flow. It forms relationships!
  2. Play has rules.  Without rules the play makes no sense, with rules everyone can part-take and be creative.  
  3. Play is divergent.  Meaning, it goes in many directions and is creative.  It is ever changing but the group will continue to build on it because it is fun and has an energy of its own.  
  4. Play is all about exploration.  If you were to ask a child if they were happy with the end result of their play session I'm sure you would get some very odd looks.  They are entrenched in the process, the exploration of the play.  While play is organized... "I will be the doctor, you have the broken leg and I'll fix it...", it is not edited or focused on the end result.  It is organic and unplanned.
  5. Play allows you to try on roles.  When children role play a possible scenario they are 'trying it on' to see what it could be without risk of having to assume the role in real life.  It also helps them problem solve a scenario in their life and find a solution in a creative way.
  6. Play teaches emotion.  It helps us to get into various emotional states.  "Okay you're the Mom and you're happy I'm back from school...".  Empathy is learned through play.  How many business owners wouldn't love to get in the mindset of their customer?
  7. Play helps form relationships.  Without play we have a missing link for connection.  When we take the risk of being vulnerable with another human being through creativity we feel a stronger bond and where there is trust and friendship, play becomes seamless.
  8. Play allows for mastery.  When we allow ourselves the chance to play with an idea or a skill-set we in turn start on the path of mastery or excellence.
As a YOUR Coach, we play.  Yes coaching is playing in a sense.  It is the time for YOU to focus only on YOU and explore possibilities.  To play with ideas in a safe and supportive environment, where judgment does not exist and what 'could be' is king.  This is your sandbox and the only limitations are the ones you apply to yourself.  It is my job to help you get out of the 'adult' role we fall into and look again at the wonder of what could be and make plans to get there.


When we are allowed to play, we are allowed to be creative, to explore and not be so focused on the end result but in the learning that takes place in the space between.  Play is not only the work of children it is the vital, lost, underappreciated work of adults too.




ADHD

Parents of teens UNITE! We Need Our Own Mastermind Group!


I am a parent of two children, a son who is soon to be 15 and a daughter who is 10 years old.  It is a busy time.  Gone are the days when I can fix things with a simple hug and a kiss on the 'owie'.  The challenges these two young people face are all consuming.  These are the problems of becoming 'adults'.


They face social challenges of fitting in or not fitting in, they are pulled and distracted by various forms of media, they deal with the daily barrage of negative influence and sincerely trying to make the best choices they can.  And in the wake of all this serious business you have fretting parents just wanting things to be okay for their child and feeling a lack of control around the whole big mess.

This seems to be a time of transition for the family unit on the whole.  Children pushing up against the boundaries we have in place to be able to feel independent.  This constant tension is so hard for parents.  We can look back at our own break-away from the nest and think, 'yeah, I remember that', but it doesn't make it any easier being on the receiving end.  As our teens push against the boundaries they also peel away from us for a time.  It's such an uncomfortable change.

This change causes conflict at times as well.  I know in my house it has been the source of hard feelings and regret at times.  There just isn't a manual for this stuff, especially in the heat of the moment.  We get it wrong a lot and it seems like we learn along the way.  We fail.  We evaluate.  We try again.  This cycle is truly the same one we use in all areas of our life.

So what can we do?  It seems like once your children reach a certain age the lights go out in the community.  I try signing my son up for programs only to have them cancelled due to lack of interest.  Or even just trying to find him something new is a challenge...  it seems like once your child reaches pre-teen and on, you are just going this stuff alone.

How do we as parents get support?  How do we talk to our children in a constructive way and still keep healthy boundaries in place?  Who do parents of teens turn to, when the lights go out in the community?

I think we need to turn to each other.  Reach out to one another and say, 'Hey!...  this really sucks for me and I'm stuck, any ideas?'.  When we have this shared understanding we start asking each other questions...  What do you do when...  How did you handle ABC? 

Perhaps what's needed is a Parental Mastermind Group?  A time where we all get together in a non-judgemental space where we can be proactive and supportive of one another during this challenging time.  We can brainstorm and experiment...  As a coach I can provide questions to invoke the process of finding a way through the mud.  What say you?  Is this needed?
Attitude

Discomfort is more than a feeling, it's a sign of change...


With change underway in a big way over here I have come up against one many or two mental road blocks along the way.  Many times I was really thankful for the blockers because they allowed me to stay stuck.

When we stay stuck we don't have to progress forward.  We get to hang on to our old beliefs and stay 'comfortable'.  Change can be a really irritating, uncomfortable, world altering time.

Pema Chodron, is an American, Tibetan Buddhist and an ordained nun. For those of you who are not familiar with her she is one of the most down to earth, has 'been there and done that' women on the planet.  Yes she is a Buddhist nun but she has also been married twice, has children and grandchildren and so in her own way understands what the populous goes through on a daily basis.

She recorded this 4 minute video (found below) about change and by how we speak, act and think we create our own possibilities (good, bad or ugly).  How to make friends with the discomfort of change, so change can happen.  Video quality isn't great due to a power outage they had at the time but the message is sound.


Many times, coaching brings about that discomfort she talks about here.  It is in that space though that we take the boundaries we have surrounded ourselves in and help them to expand.

Think of a baby learning to walk.  They get up and hang on, with wobbly legs, and take a step, and then two, three and so it goes.  Along the way they fall and it hurts, in their uncomfortable state though, they receive love and care and encouragement to continue.  Before you know it that toddler is off and running, and everyone else just needs to KEEP UP.

It seems though, the longer we exist on this planet, the more stuck we can become.  We get really uncomfortable with that forward movement and our ability lean INTO it.  What I would ask you is:   

How would your life be different if you were okay with being uncomfortable?
Coaching helps you to explore the barriers to change you have in place.  It empowers you, comforts you and motivates you to seek out the change you have been avoiding for so long.  So that you too will be that running toddler everyone is trying to keep up with!

-What would your life look like if you could get to work on time?
-What would it look like if you could makes steps towards getting a business going?
-What would it look like if you could honour yourself and your need for growth, as a stay at home parent?
-What would it look like as a person with ADHD if you could work WITH your unique brain wiring, rather than fight it?

All this to explore and more.  Like the quote below suggests our brain really wants to keep us safe from things which make us fearful/uncomfortable.  Pause and realize that not all discomfort is something to be avoided.  When we dig deep and find the courage to say, "I want more...", we arrive closer to our own truths.


ADHD

Coaching Conversations ~ What can the Client expect?


Coaching isn't new per se, but it doesn't have roots like a therapy model.  So when you hear the word, coaching, we infuse it with our own flavour of what that could mean.

Coaching is centred around conversation.  I just heard all the introverts groan inwardly...  I am one, so the thoughts of that initially may have me (and you) running for the hills!  Fear not my friends.  This conversation is a structured, purposeful and meaningful dialog.  This is not the conversation you typically have with others.



This conversation has a start, middle and end.  The entire time is spent working on what YOU, the client, decides to bring to the table that day.  YOU set the agenda and can change that at any point, it's all about YOU baby!  We can set long term goals and chart a path to getting there or work on whatever ever arises during that week or a combination of both.  I keep the compass pointed in the place you need most.

This will be your time to problem solve, make plans, look at barriers to those plans, figure out why things may not be working for you right now, learn about yourself, and chart a new path or an old one more confidently.

Many wonder what can you be coached around?  This is a hard one to answer as anything goes.  If you have a hard time keeping your house organized or clutter free, we can work on that.  If you are having some barriers to eating well and establishing a plan, (Psst I am also a Certified Dr. Sears Health Coach), we can work on that.  Perhaps you just don't know what is happening with you right now, but you know you need change because things just don't FEEL right.

For my ADHD friends out there...  I can help you to understand about YOUR flavour of ADHD and how it manifests in your life.  So many times we try and fit a square peg into a round hole...  Well through coaching you can understand better about who YOU are and how that brilliance can shine through without SHAME or JUDGMENT.

What this is not is therapy.  We don't go back to the why of things...  that is more of a mental health model and if we find that's needed in our coaching sessions I'll support you through connecting with the right person to address that as well.  Many times clients will take a coaching break to work with a mental health professional and then come back and get their plans underway.  Again being human is individual and complex, there is no shame in seeking that which you need most.

I hold you accountable in the way you decide and I do call you on your stuff!  Many times the things we don't do are the things that require going back to the drawing board a number of times.  That is okay and part of the growth you'll experience through coaching.

This is work and will be uncomfortable at times, I am here to support you with that.  You are responsible for the outcome.  Many times this makes people shy away from that idea as it's a bold statement.  That's what it means to be 'coach-able', being ready to do the work required to meet your own change and goals as you see them.

My role is to create a safe and compassionate place.  To help you navigate these new waters with a hand to hold and to help shine a light on the things we at times neglect to focus on.  I am here for you and you alone.

If you want to experience what this feels or sounds like just contact me at amy.may@breakingbarrierscoaching.com for more information.

More on coaching in the days and weeks to come! 
ADHD

The Building of Reserves


Reserve: to make arrangements so that you will be able to use or have (something, such as a room, table, or seat) at a later time - to keep (something) for a special or future use - to choose to do (something) at a later time.  "Reserve." Merriam-Webster.com. Merriam-Webster, n.d. Web. 10 Feb. 2016.
Reserve is an important word.  As you can see above, it's defined as something in which you make arrangements to have for later.  Something you want or require being tagged for later use, so when you need it, it's there.  The idea behind reserving something is to give you a security around the idea that I don't need to think or worry about the reserved item as I have already made plans to have it there waiting for me when it's needed.

Reserves can also be looked at from the perspective of having so much of something that there are no needs around that thing.  Lets take a simple example of toilet paper.  This is one item we use daily, and something we need to buy all the time.  Think about when you run out...  as we tend to do from time to time.  Think about how much head space and energy is required to remember to correct that, and if you forget to remedy it how much more energy you expel at the lack of it.  This is just a simple thing but we have all felt the impact of not having it.

Picture source: http://priceonomics.com/the-great-toilet-paper-scare-of-1973/

Now take this same scenario and instead of buying what you need for a few weeks, what would it feel like to have a years worth of toilet paper?  Compare the running out, to the idea of I don't have to think about this for a whole year.  What does having that reserve create for you?  I know for myself I was feeling like it was one thing off my list.  I can let it go and focus on more important things.  I have so much that my need of it becomes a non-issue; I have a years worth.  I may put it in my calendar to check closer to the years end, but I don't need to give it any consideration or energy for at least a year.  It's a freeing exercise.

Lets now consider what a reserve would look like in terms of love, friendship, opportunity, knowledge and finances.  These are pretty big areas.  Each of these have a high importance in our lives and many times we run these areas without reserves.  We feel drained by them because we don't have enough in reserve, they are a constant thought or work in progress.  What would it feel like to have a reserve of money?  What would it feel like to have enough that you didn't need to worry about it anymore?  For many this is an area of strain and strong feelings.

What small changes could you put in place today to build up a reserve in this one area?  Perhaps you could look at your finances and really know where your money is going?  Become completely aware of how much you spend on certain areas of your life.  Just get curious about why there isn't a reserve here currently.  Is it that you spend a lot on coffee, tea, going out (guilty, guilty, guilty) and if so can you put in one small rule to start going every other day and the money you would have spent on those items will now go in a jar or an account and become your reserve?  Is it that you have hit the ceiling of what you can earn and can't squeeze anymore from it?  Could you maybe look at some cost-effective online courses (i.e. Udemy, Coursera) to better your skills to give you more reserve in areas of knowledge and opportunity so that you have more choice about your employment and salary?

The idea is you create an awareness around important areas in your life and find small measurable ways to create more surplus (reserves) in those areas.  It starts with awareness, pausing to understand where you are and getting curious about how you'd like to proceed.  You'll know instinctively where you are running a deficit.  Just listen to your thoughts and feel your body when you think of the areas I listed above.  Change won't come in one big swoop; it comes in the form of small steps, moving forward.  Create reserves and, in turn, ease the drain of energy you feel in your daily lives.
awareness

What have you forgotten?


In my previous post I was talking about the idea of transformation.  The evolution of self.

What does an ADHD & Nutrition Coach care about a persons internal messaging system?  What does any of this have to do with the other?  Lets explore that a minute...

I want you today, to take notice of your thoughts.  When you are trying something new or perhaps don't do something as well as you hoped, I want you to listen to the inner dialog you have with yourself around that.

What are you feeding yourself?  Are the messages negative?  Do they call you stupid or do they say things like, "There you go again, delving into something you had no business trying...".  Maybe you feel a great deal of fear in trying something new?  Perhaps the inner story is one of doubt and feeling incapable to even try.

Many times we allow these inner stories to play and re-play without any acknowledgement of them being there in the first place.  They are so comfortable.  These stories come from our past, fed to us by the environment around us.  If we have a big event in our lives it leaves its imprint on us in a very lasting way.

Part of my work with clients is to figure out what they've forgotten about themselves.  Too many times the ghosts of the past get in the way of all the good we've done on this planet.  It gets in the way of all the shiny nuggets you are entitled to remember about ourselves.

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. ~ Maya Angelou


The reason we sit and explore your amazing history is to show you what you already have in you, that which you may have forgotten.  It is your proof.  I help keep the waters clear so you can see yourself perfectly.

What would happen to one of my clients, wanting to make change in terms of diet or life functions, armed with the understanding of WHO they truly are?

In a word, EMPOWERMENT.
ADD

Transformation - To Go Beyond Your Current Form



Our whole spiritual transformation brings us to the point where we realize that in our own being, we are enough. ~ Ram Dass

I've come to realize that when a client comes to see me they are in the midst of personal transformation.  It's a pretty big step, and one that rarely gets the acknowledgement it deserves.  Anytime someone is seeking answers, challenging their existence as it is now, they are on the road of change.

Change is uncomfortable.  It itches and chafes, makes us feel things we'd really rather not and most greatly we feel the fear of "not knowing".  When we start the questioning and observing of what we currently believe it can leave us a little shaken.  THAT IS NORMAL.  To admit that we feel inferior, undeserving, unworthy, unable or without value, are things we'd rather allow cycle around in our minds, as it's familiar. 

Fear, to a great extent, is born of the stories we tell ourselves. ~ Cheryl Strayed


This, I think, is why Nutrition Coaching is not about the food, wholeheartedly.  It's not about the measurement of calories, entirely.  It's not about what diet to subscribe to or what pill to choke down.  It is my absolute belief that to make any lasting changes, it starts with the acknowledgement of the stories we believe to be true.  We aren't always conscious of them.  They are so familiar we don't hear them whisper in our ears and shape our habits and decision making.  We don't always see the sabotaging they do to our efforts and our growth.

Coaches are there to help you see, expose you to new possibilities about yourself, and most excitingly of all... help you uncover the abilities and virtues you already have.  That greatness which has been trapped under a lot of debris, waiting to be freed.  This has very little to do with Nutrition.  It is about Personal Transformation and the understanding that you are deserving of that.

Anyone can make better choices, once they uncover the factual stories of WHO they are on this planet.
changes
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